


Who Lives in a Pineapple Under the Sea?

by Nicomoru



Category: Venom (Movie 2018)
Genre: Crack, Domestic Fluff, Eddie's just trying to live, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Gen, It can be read as platonic or ship, Venom refuses to believe reality, it really doesn't matter, that's the whole fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-11
Updated: 2018-11-11
Packaged: 2019-08-22 03:00:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16589576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nicomoru/pseuds/Nicomoru
Summary: Venom and Eddie watch Spongebob and Venom makes it his personal mission to eat a Krabby Patty while Eddie desperately tries to make him understand they aren’t real





	Who Lives in a Pineapple Under the Sea?

**Author's Note:**

> I think I wrote this at one am and I just found it in the morning. It's coherent enough to post so that's what I'm doing. 
> 
> Oh, why did I write this you ask? You see, foolish reader, I am but a simple lad. I come up with the dumbest ideas, make a list, and choose the best one. 
> 
> This was the best one. Enjoy?

Eddie was scrolling through channels on his dumb cable yet again. He doesn’t even know why he still has it, should really just invest in netflix or something. But cable had Mysteries at the Museum and that was the only tv show he really enjoyed anymore cause he was a nerd.

But at least now he could say he wasn’t alone, with the constant stream of commentary in the back of his mind, butting in during the worst moments.

**No. No. No. Weird. Wait… okay no. No, what’s up with humans and selling watches and porcelain?** Venom questioned, during Eddie’s channel surfing.

“I don’t really know man, we got weird status symbols, that’s all I can say.” Eddie shoved a handful more of his abnormally large bowl of popcorn into his mouth.

**You what humans should have as status symbols?**

“Is it those blue worms that that lizard ate in the video you watched last night?” Eddie said through a mouth full of popcorn cause he’s lost all sense of decency

**How did you know I watched that?**

“I always look at your search history you dweeb, no need to get so defensive.” Eddies been getting weird ads lately, so he obviously looked to the number one culprit.

**Well they should be.** Venom said, changing the topic so Eddie couldn’t bring up how he’s been watching way too many Tic Tok compilation videos for it to be healthy. **I’ve determined that hornworms are the only good thing about this planet, nothing else. Maybe lizards, but they’re on thin fucking ice.**

“That’s nice Vee,” Venom’s been going through this phase where he finds one new thing he likes about Earth and say it’s the only reason he’s on this planet, like a heckin weeb.

Eddie continued his search for some entertainment on cable television when Venom suddenly yelled at him to stop right in his ear- or mind, whatever.

“Dude what the fuck.” Eddie had dropped the remote on the floor, making it so he was now confined to whatever Venom had yelled for him to watch.

He could feel Venom vibrating with excitement in his chest, which was both worrying and strangely comforting. He supposes that’s weird but this is his life now and what the fuck was he gonna do about it.

Venom came out into the world via his weird floaty head thing. **“Meme Man.”** Venom whispers eagerly.

Eddie looks to the screen and sees a yellow laughing sponge. It’s not the worst but… “Really Vee? Why have you forsaken me like this. You’re really gonna make me watch a kids show?”

**“Do you know how many memes that man is in? Of course we’re gonna watch it. And we’re enjoying it.”**

Eddie squinted at Venom as a weak attempt of a glare. It really just looked like he needed glasses. He’s not just gonna use his full glare power for this. Venom squints back, not really feeling the glare either, but Eddie doesn’t entirely care. He really doesn’t mind spending his afternoon watching Spongebob. It’s for Venom anyway, and when Venom’s happy, he’s happy, which is, again, pretty weird. That’s just how it is on this bitch of an Earth.

“Weird ass parasite,” Venom makes an affronted noise and flicks Eddie’s head with one of his tentacles.

Five hours in, Eddie admittedly, does not hate the show. They’re apparently marathoning all the old episodes and they’re actually funny. Venom’s favorite episode was the last one they watched for the night, where Squidward goes into the Krabby Patty Vault and eats all the Krabby Patties he can.

**“I want to do that.”** Venom says where he’s nestled himself atop Eddie’s head.

“Do what?” Eddie said as he passed the remote on the floor from his feet to his hands.

**“I want to eat all the Krabby Patties, take us to Bikini Bottom, Eddie. I need them, Ed.”** Venom said as he floated in front of his face.

“We already had the talk about what’s real and what’s not, sweaty. Besides, we ate three almost gunmen yesterday. Can’t your vore quota be filled just for once?” Eddie got up and stretched. Venom formed in front of him and picked him up with his weird not goop hands that are also strangely buff for no foreseeable reason.

**“No, Krusty Krab. Now. We can get you the pizza if you want.”** Venom started walking to the door, carrying Eddie bridal style.

“No, you big goober, put me down, heathen.” Eddie attempted to roll out of his grip, but it’s a lot harder when the person holding you is also attached to you. He just settled for poking Venom’s face until he put him down.

**“You’ve never been more unfair to me, I can’t believe you would wrong me like this.”** Venom put him down and grumpily settled in his body.

“Yeah I know, I’m a monster.” Eddie turned off the lights in the apartment and brushed his teeth in the bathroom, cause he’s a monster but he has good hygiene.

Eddie went to bed with Venom still grumpily seething at the bottom of his stomach. He thought that was the end of that…

He thought…

It was a week later and Eddie had let Venom out to run wild, run free, like the secret dog he is. But the route he took today was different than usual. That’s not out of the norm, of course, but he was even going out of the city, towards…

_Vee, why are we heading towards the ocean?_

**“** **_The winner takes all,_ ** **”** Venom starts badly singing, **“** **_It’s the thrill of one more kill.”_ **

_No wait Venom! BiKINI BOTTOM ISN’T REAL WHAT ARE YOU DOING??_ Eddie said as loud as he could in Venom’s mind.

**“** **_SWEET SWEET, SWEET VICTORY, YEAH!”_ ** Venom basically screamed as he dived head first into the water.

 

* * *

 

You would never understand how disappointed Venom was when he learned he couldn’t realistically swim to the Marshall Islands from California. And they couldn’t go on planes so Venom seemed to settle for the next best thing.

**Okay, we almost have everything, where can we find King Neptune’s Poseidon Powder?** Eddies almost sure he’s never sighed harder in his life.

Venom’s gotten smart with his internet searches, deleting them all right before Eddie wakes up. He’s considering putting child lock on it, but he fears if Venom breaks through that he’d be too powerful. He’s mostly sure he’s been searching for alternative ways to make Krabby Patties after looking up where Bikini Bottom would be. Eddie doesn’t know why he’s encouraging this.

He picks up sea salt, “This’ll do,” and plops it into the cart. They’re in a Walmart at 2am because he’s lost all control of his life and Target was closed so he couldn’t be fancy. Eddie got some chocolate cake too cause his day’s already so weird.

They head to the self-checkout aisle as the only worker at a cash register seems to be sleeping and they don’t want to bother them.

When they got home they set to work at making 4 burgers, three for Venom one for Eddie. Venom just told him the measurements as he set to work on putting them all together.

“Oh the things I do for you,” Eddie set them into the oven as Venom came out and picked up Eddie while jumping from foot to foot excitedly.

“Do you have to pick me up while you’re out?” Eddie questions while being _shooken._

**“Unless you want me to turn into ‘the world’s worst slime video’ then yes.”**

“Can’t you just be like, touching my shoulder or something, Vee? You’re like a bad Disney ride where the only thing you can do is tilt the cart back and forth.”

**“Oh really? Well I guess I just have to make the ride more amusing then.”** Venom grinned and started to raise Eddie up in a lion king pose.

“NO WAIT, NOT WHAT I MEANT,” Eddie screamed as Venom started running around the apartment, violently shaking him up and down as he made TERRIBLE AND NOT CUTE train noises. It lasted about three minutes before Eddie conceded and said that Venom would make a fun ride at Disneyland.

Venom sat back down in front of the oven, still holding Eddie while watching the Krabby Patties cook. They were almost done and Venom was back to his excited vibrating. They took them out five minutes later and prepared them in burgerly fashion. Venom’s lucky Eddie worked at a fast food job in high school or else these would look like total shit.

Eddie did all of Venom’s while Venom made Eddie’s. It’s probably not healthy to let your glorified parasite prepare your meal, but he hasn’t been poisoned yet, so it’s all gucci.

When they ate the patties they were actually pretty okay. Venom also ate the left over raw meat from the patty dough.

He almost thought Venom was finally satisfied after bothering him for two weeks about **“Krabby Patties,”** and **“Bikini Bottom,”** or **“Of course it’s real, you can stop LYING to me. I know what I’m talking about.”**

 

But then he just had to ruin it.

**“Ed, we need a boat,”** He said while floating in front of his face right when Eddie was about to go to sleep.

“I’m afraid to ask, but why?” he groaned.

**“If it was good here, imagine how good it will be in the ACTUAL Krusty Krabs.”**

Eddie just turned and covered his ears with a pillow as Venom kept on babbling.

**Author's Note:**

> Why is Venom buff? He doesn't need to be. 
> 
> Also, we've had the Krabby Patty secret formula and 10 year old me just??? Didn't know about it??? That was the most disappointing part about writing this fic tbh. 
> 
> And that part about tic tok was a cry for help, they keep showing up in my recommended, what am i going to do, I'm so heckin scared???


End file.
